DESIGN FOR FLOW
A feedback model grounded in self-determination theory and human agency. Four moves that shift the conversation from evaluation to an investment in growth.
Explore the modelTHE FOUR MOVES
Widen the lens before you narrow into the specific feedback. Share the broader context: what's happening in the environment, what standards are in play, or what outcomes are driving the work. This gives the receiver a frame for understanding what you're about to share.
Without context, feedback is more likely to register as personal threat, where the brain shifts into self-protection. By sharing the broader conditions at play, the receiver can process what you're sharing as information connected to something that matters.
"Our clients trust us because we bring technical judgment they can't get from AI alone..."
"We committed to the client that we will reach this milestone by June..."
"I know we've been in back-to-back deliverables for three weeks, and things have been hectic..."
"I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but..." — cushion, not context.
Skipping this step entirely and jumping straight to what you observed.
When explaining standards, ground them in a reason, not a rule. "Our clients trust us because..." is context. "On this team, we do it this way" is a command.
Share your observation, and remember that what you see is filtered through your own lens, your strengths, your blind spots, and your expectations. Strive for objectivity not judgment.
When impact connects back to the shared context you've already established, it anchors the feedback in something bigger: the standards, the goals, the things that matter to both of you. And when you're honest that your observation is one lens, not the full picture, the receiver is more likely to engage with it than defend against it.
"...and I think there's an opportunity to bring more technical depth to your recent deliverable."
"...and I've noticed that a few recent deadlines have slipped that could have an impact on overall timing."
"...and over the last couple of weeks, I've observed that you've been quiet in the leadership meetings. That's unusual for you."
"Your behavior was unprofessional." — judgment, not observation.
"When you did X, it made me feel Y." — that centers you, not them.
"I want to talk about something I noticed." — the announcement creates anxiety before the content arrives. Just say what you see.
If you catch yourself stating a conclusion ("you're not committed to quality"), stop. That's not what you see. Go back to the actual behavior.
This is where the conversation becomes a two-way dialogue. Ask questions to invite their perspective, strive to build a shared understanding, and forge the path forward together.
When people feel they have a voice in decisions that affect them, it fosters personal ownership in the outcome. And, you learn more about what's actually going on beneath the surface — a skill gap, a resource problem, a motivation issue, or something you didn't know about — which allows you to better support them.
"What would you need to approach this differently?"
"Are you experiencing any blockers or hurdles? Is there anything I can do to support you?"
"Can you tell me more about what's going on?"
"So here's what I think you should do." — prescription, not reframing.
"Don't you think it would be better if you...?" — leading question. They know there's only one right answer.
If you've already decided what the answer is before asking, the other person will feel it. This step requires genuine curiosity, not performative questioning.
Demonstrate investment. Offer something that supports their next step, based on what you have learned about their needs. It's a commitment: my job as a leader doesn't end at pointing out the feedback. I'm in this with you.
People are more likely to change behavior when they believe they have the capability to do something about it. Making an investment to equip your people signals that you believe in them and offers them helpful resources or guidance for their continued growth.
Guidance: "Let me walk you through how I'd approach this."
Resources: "There's a course on this that might be useful."
Teaching: "Let's set up a dedicated time where I can help you build that skill."
Encouragement: "Experiment with it this week. It doesn't have to be perfect. I'd rather see you try a new approach than play it safe."
Connections: "Let me connect you with someone who's strong here."
Ongoing support: "I'm happy to help you practice before the client meeting. Set up time for a dry run whenever you're ready, and let's check in again in a couple weeks to see how things are going."
"Let me know if you need anything." — passive. They won't ask. You need to offer.
Ending the conversation without any forward commitment.
The minimum viable Equip is ongoing support. If you have nothing else, offer your ongoing presence. That alone tells the person they're not navigating growth alone.
HOW TO PREPARE
CARE is designed for the conversations that shape someone's trajectory. The developmental conversations where a leader needs to understand what's going on, share what they see honestly, and commit to supporting growth. It's built for the moments where getting it right matters more than getting it said quickly.
Every step is designed to keep the receiver's agency intact. The goal is a conversation where someone walks away thinking about how to grow, not replaying what went wrong.
The CARE Feedback Model is original intellectual property of Design for Flow, created by Heather Daigle Xu. It is grounded in self-determination theory (Deci & Ryan), Bandura's theory of human agency, Dweck's growth mindset research, and Kluger & DeNisi's feedback intervention research.
Learn more at designforflow.com